Some days you just feel like quitting. It’s not because your job sucks or your best relationship went shitty. In fact you can be doing well in both. But sometimes you just feel tired or god forbid, depressed. If you call a friend, they might take you out with them to some place fun and you’ll love it. They will tell you to take it easy and that everything shall pass. You’ll take it. You believe it will happen. These episodes after all indeed come and go. But sometimes you want to figure out why they come in the first place so you can maybe run away if not devise a fix.
I can be depressed; I may have been depressed for the most part of my life for all I know. I can see a shrink and have my mental health checked but I’m not really sure how that would help. Whatever this is, this allows me to think deeply, and I am more than slightly obsessed with thinking. This has also greatly influenced my idea of happiness, and I find happiness albeit shallow in the simplest of things. A part of me actually appreciates its presence. It’s both okay and not okay.
Yesterday I was in the passenger seat of a packed jeep speeding along the expressway. I was on my way to a game. It was around four in the afternoon and outside the vehicle everything seemed peaceful, beautiful. The road could stretch for countless miles and I felt like I could stay in that moment forever. Today, maybe I’m beginning to understand why Forrest Gump ran across America. Or maybe not. Words are sometimes powerless in describing the strongest of feelings. Maybe he wanted to escape. Maybe I want to escape. Maybe he was looking for something. Maybe I am looking for something. Forrest ran away from the bullies and the war like what Jenny advised. Maybe he wanted to run away from the feeling when Jenny left cause he felt that was all he could do. Maybe I want to run away from certain feelings cause futile as it may seem, sometimes that’s all we think we can do. Maybe there’s freedom and peace in movement. Maybe you’ll feel at pace with the world that tends to spin a little too fast for anyone to catch up. Or maybe you don’t want to catch up. You want to run the other way if there’s an other way.
I cannot run like Forrest. I am physically incapable. But I sure feel like walking my way to every island in the archipelago right now. To escape. To discover. To be happy. Maybe. -aB