Dumb Review: My Bloody Valentine (2009)

We’re a sucker for slasher films. We always scour the web and everybody’s DVD collection for one. It doesn’t have to be critically acclaimed; we watch whatever comes our way. It can be a B movie for all we care. We enjoy watching the misfortunes of the protagonist while being chased by some  masked murderer. It’s quite sick if you think about it but that’s what we really do. We joke about it.

So we obtained a copy of the 2009 remake of My Bloody Valentine starring Jensen Ackles, Kerr Smith, and Jaime King. We know. The movie was shown six years ago; we don’t have to make another review. But we didn’t want to waste our mental notes so we’re dumping them here.

The good parts

  1. The acting is not over the top (it’s not vying for an Oscar for Chrissake!) but good. If you think it’s still bad, you should have seen the other less popular ones.
  2. It tries  to stick with a story and have a bit more substance. It’s not one of those films that gives a very short background of the killer at the beginning then goes on killing characters one after another for the next ninety minutes. The plot and it’s presentation is simple but it’s not a total insult to your brain.
  3. The attempt to build tension while not super successful made the cut. It makes you think that it was not based on a 7-line-long plot written by a bored college student.
  4. The story doesn’t really have a lot of unique elements but you can keep on watching without saying “I’ve seen this so many times before.” Somebody did well doing alterations here and there. There’s predictability but you can wave it off.
  5. The gore effects are not outrageous. It’s a different kind of bad that you’ll read below.
  6. Betsy Rue was entertaining. No, it was not because she ran around completely naked but we think she played her character well.

The bad parts

  1. We didn’t notice plot holes (we were not in the right condition for analyzing the story) but we found some parts a little too corny for our taste. We imagined ourself saying “Awww… now let’s move on.”
  2. As mentioned above, the effects for the gory scenes are not outrageous. A fountain of blood will not come out of a pierced limb. They are instead ridiculous and rather forced so as presumably not to waste 3D cinema show time. We are not going to question the motives on showing this in 3D cinema, but we’re perfectly fine with watching this in 2D.

Overall, it’s a nice film. It’s something you can watch on a horror movie night with friends whether you want a good scare or a good laugh. You may not want to invite the Oscar critics among your peers though unless they know how to chill out a bit. -aB


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